I'm so upset. My 12 yr old woke me up last night, and told me he wanted me to delete his Facebook account. I allowed him to have an account - which I monitored like the dickens ... and for the most part he seemed to enjoy it. He had a small amount of friends and family - and all seemed to be well.
Until this weekend.
He wanted me to upload some videos of he and his friends skateboarding, so as I was uploading - I do what Mothers do - I looked at his FB page.
Now, I know I am sorta over-protective of my son, and no parent likes to think their kids are doing things that they don't approve of when they aren't around ... but I'm not naive either. I was a smart mouth 12 yr old way back when ... and I remember exactly the things I did and said ... and how "grown" I thought I was, LOL. I was bullied, and on occasions I'd had to defend myself physically. Back then (in the late 70's/early 80's), you weren't kicked out of school - you were suspended. the suspensions were also served at the school, not at home. So when I fought Rachel, the bully who'd tormented me all summer - I spent a week in suspension, in the Principals office!
But these days, bullying is insidious and its often violent, and all I could think of was the kids I'd read about who are bullied online, that hide it from their parents ... and they have taken their own lives. Is it a stretch? Probably - but that's directly where my mind went.
Normally I would not have acted, but this boy threatened my son on Facebook. He basically told him that when the new school term started ... frankly, there'd be hell to pay.
My first thought - what idiot carries a grudge all summer long, over a Facebook page?
Then I answered myself. A Bully.
I had a knot in my stomach, as I read my son's responses to this boy. He cursed at him, and to see the foul language on the page, that I know was written by my son was eye-opening to me. Like I said, I don't put my head in the sand, I know kids do things we don't like when we aren't around ... but this "felt" different to me. What I read on the page was my son "defending himself" as this little boy continued to "go after him with a certain viciousness.
I may have even let it stand, had I not noticed an open chat window that my son left open with one of his friends. In this chat window he expressed not the foul language he used on the page against the boy ... but fear. He told his friend that he was afraid, and that he now dreaded the first day of middle school, because this boy would be waiting for him. He said that the boy was bigger and meaner and he said the only thing he could do was remember all he was taught in karate for 5 years ... and fight.
I started to cry. I remember feeling like that. Here I am, 45 years old and I remember EXACTLY how that felt at 12 years old. Unadulterated fear.
I don't apologize for being a nosy parent. I called my son inside, and I told him that I wanted him to delete the foul language he'd posted on facebook. I told him that as much as I understood his anger and fear, that facebook follows you wherever you go. I told him his teachers, his principal, etc ... that it wasn't worth ruining his enjoyment of facebook.
Surprisingly, my son was not angry with me for reading his page or his chat ... and somewhere deep inside I realized he wanted me to see it. We talked a long time about this ... and his tears hurt me to my core, as well as the helplessness he expressed in "not being able to get away from this boy" who apparently had been bullying him ALL YEAR LONG IN SCHOOL!!!!!!!
I was livid, but at the same time so happy that my son still feels close enough to me to talk to me about his feelings. He told me he wanted to enjoy Facebook, but he didn't think it was worth it if he was going to be bullied. At first I asked him to think about it, to not let one person ruin something that he enjoyed.
I sent the boy a message on Facebook that said the following:
Your parents are more than welcome to call me if there is a problem with my son. _____ parents have my number, if your parents would like to talk to me.
I have already told my son not to respond to you anymore, and I'd appreciate that you do not respond to him any longer.
If I see anymore conversation on facebook between the two of you, I will have to speak with your parents.
The part of me that understood a 12 yr old, knew that my son would not like my message. But the parent in me wanted to shut this down, and REMIND the other boy that parents read these pages.
I am proud of my son. I sometimes see glimpses of maturity and clarity in his decisions ... but for the most part, he is still 12 - and not a 12 going on 20 twelve year old. He's just a normal twelve year old.
Four hours later, he woke me up, and asked me to delete his account. He said he knew he would not be able to NOT respond, and that he knew this kid would continue to come after him on Facebook.
I took a screen shot of the pages, and then, at the request of my son I deleted his account.
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