Celebrating 50

Today is my 50th birthday. WOW...just typing that seems surreal. I had so many plans on how I would celebrate...grandiose plans...grand plans...wonderful plans. I was going to throw myself a huge 50th birthday bash, inviting all my close girlfriends to the beach for a weekend. I was going to go away to the islands for a nice long weekend...all by myself.

But here I am ... in the midst of packing...house in total disarray...my eyes on the move out date of October 31st. Today is being spent taking a break from packing and letting my 16 yr old son in the drivers seat for once...giving him the keys and will enjoy the surprises he has in store for me.

I realized this morning, that is what it is all about ... just letting things happen naturally. Yes, I'd have loved to have spent all that money with my grandiose plans ... but I will be 50 all damn year...and the practical side of me won out. Today is my day ... today is a day that I never even dreaded - I was only curious about. Would I feel different? Would I look "old"? Would I be alone? The answers are no and yes.

No, I don't "feel old" .... and while I am alone in the relationship sense, I don't "feel alone". Yes, I feel different...I feel excited for what is coming this year. This year is going to be nothing but changes - big changes...I am moving, I am launching a fantastic new website, I am creating some great things to share...and it's all just exciting for me.

I have never failed at something, not to have the outcome be anything but better. This has been a tough year emotionally and financially, but it has propelled me to hold on and dig deeper... and though the words seem trite, the spirit really does carry you - it may bruise you - but you get through it...I got through it.

Happy Birthday to me .... I'm ready for my New Year...and looking at myself in the mirror- I say, bring it on if this is what being 50 looks like - and feels like.